Please, Sorry and Thank You

My mother was a school teacher, and my father an engineer. Growing up in Assam, India in a respectable middle-class family, it was very important for my parents that my sister and I had proper manners. From a very early age, they repeatedly reminded us to say ‘please’, ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’ for even the most banal of circumstance.

Now, being a parent myself, the pattern repeats itself and I often find myself doing the same with our children, “say thank you to this nice person.” It is interesting that this pattern may also be repeating itself when it comes to prayers and other devotional practices.

‘Please’ prayers are about the future. Asking for some future condition that we imagine will make us happy by adding or subtracting something from the present situation. It is best if these prayers are based on standards rather than results; and for the benefit of all. A most wonderful example of this is the prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

‘Sorry’ prayers are about regret. They ask for forgiveness and reconcilement of past words and deeds that appear to have caused harm. They serve as a healing balm for old wounds. They cultivate humility and eradicate any sense of unworthiness. This is about honest acknowledgement, total acceptance and a willingness to do what is takes to move forward peacefully. ‘Sorry’ prayers make peace with the past.

These two methods of prayer are for the asking. They ask for either favors in the future or forgivness of the past. ‘Thank you’ prayers however, are rooted in the present and ask for nothing. This is not gratefulness for something that has or will happen. Rather, it is deep appreciation for everything exactly as it is. ‘Thank you’ prayers are readily available every waking moment, regardless of life situation. Here is a way:

Inhale: I notice this breath

Exhale: Thank you breath

(repeat 1 to 30 minutes, feel the touch of the breath within the body)

Inhale: I notice this body

Exhale: Thank you body

(repeat 1 to 30 minutes, feel the aliveness within)

Inhale: I notice this mind

Exhale: Thank you mind

(repeat 1 to 30 minutes, feel the ripples subside)

Inhale: I am notice of my story

Exhale: Thank you ‘my story’

(repeat 1 to 30 minutes, feel the loosening of attachment)

Inhale: I notice life

Exhale: Thank you life

(repeat 1 to 30 minutes, feel the connectedness)

This beautiful state of being is always there for you, as it is for everyone.

May your yoga practice always be a ‘thank you’ prayer.

Namaste

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Awareness and Equanimity

“How was your morning?”

“Terrific! I woke up before the alarm. I often do this. It was 5:30am. The house was quiet. I made myself a little coffee and toast, read the morning paper…”

“Tell me more please, about that time just after you woke up and the thought “What time is it?”"

“This is the best time of my day! The body felt very relaxed and refreshed. The mind was very calm and peaceful. The best time of my day.”

“Then what happens?”

“Well, one thing leads to another. Life situations come up. They make me excited, anxious, frustrated, depressed… you know, the full catastrophe!”

“… and you want to practice meditation to remove this from your life, so that you can feel like it is early morning all the time, the best time of your day?”

“Yes, otherwise what is the point of the practice?”

“This is a causal universe comprising of polar opposites. Constant movement, constant change. If there are relaxed, peaceful sensations, there are bound to be tense, turbulent sensations. One validates the existence of the other. Experiencing this duality is the nature of this existence.”

“So what is the point of meditating?”

“To develop awareness and equanimity. Awareness is the ability to perceive things, people, places, situations exactly as they are without adding or subtracting. Equanimity is the ability to remain objective. Nobody else can be held accountable for these two qualities. Nobody else should be able to control these. They are truly your responsibility. Like two wings of a bird, they are best when equally strong.”

“How does this relate to the ‘full catastrophe’?”

“Perhaps you know some highly sentimental people. Slightest discomfort, there is agony. Any sign of joy, there is frenzied excitement. A word out of place and the resentment lasts for decades. This happens even if the life situation is happening to another being. They are swept away by the emotion and suffer greatly by the harmful effects of this, without necessarily being of any benefit to the situation from which it arose. This is when the awareness wing is disproportionately larger than the equanimity wing.”

“So you have met my mother-in-law?”

“… Then are there those who appear very calm, level headed, in control, and yet they feel nothing. They are absolutely desensitized to the very essence of life. Unnatural people. Machine hearts and machine minds that only function as mechanical bio-computers, processing, analyzing, evaluating… and unable to feel. Birds sing, flowers blossom, sun rays dance on the river and still there is no feeling of joy. To be living and never truly alive is perhaps the greatest suffering of all. This is when equanimity is disproportionally larger than awareness.”

“What you say is clear. I see the benefits of developing both qualities. I am at my best, most creative, helpful and content when I am in this place within. But there seems to be a catch. If I practice meditation with the desire to cultivate awareness and equanimity, won’t this desire itself disturb the equanimity?”

“Yes, it will. Be desireless, as you are when brushing your teeth. Once you know of the benefits of brushing your teeth, you simply brush your teeth; no drama. Same with meditation. Otherwise the same game of craving pleasant sensations and aversion from unpleasant ones get reinforced. The practice is to observe (awareness) objectively (equanimity). There is no need for desire.”

by Bhaskar Goswami, Founder of BODHI

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